I never thought that I was that attractive: I was never the popular girl at school, if anything, one of the least popular. At college, I just got on with being a kind of hippy-goth type weirdo, not thinking about others perception of me – I just wanted to be ‘different’, ‘quirky’, I guess.
I certainly did my share of sleeping around – after leaving school and moving away to college, I was like ‘wow – a whole world of men out there!’, and I made the most of it. I also went out with a few arseholes along the way – you know, not just one night stands, like 1 or 2 years worth of the same arsehole.
But then I met SP, JP’s dad, and I knew I wanted him in a different kind of way.
We did it properly: he knew I fancied him, I knew he fancied me, so our friends got us together – it was all very sweet – we really clicked. Needless to say, we are still together now, after 17 years.
But, I think you get complacent after a while: you’ve been with that same person for so long that you get comfortable with them, because all that matters is what they think of you – no one else comes close, until you discover a new found confidence in yourself – and that’s what happened when I started to run….
I was a little overweight before getting pregnant, and after having JP, I didn’t really know how to go about losing the extra weight I’d put on. But when he was nearly 5, running and CONFIDENCE: sexy, attractive confidence, came into my life, that only comes from losing 2 stones and going from a size 12-14, to a lovely skinny size 8.
I fell in love with my body again – the only other time I really noticed that I liked the way I looked, was when I was heavily pregnant – I think women’s bodies are so beautiful when they have a little child inside. It’s so basic and human.
Being attractive is only half of the story: if you don’t have the confidence to go with it, you miss out on so much – I should know. Confidence in myself and my sexuality has meant the I say things I perhaps shouldn’t say (but get away with it), and do things I definitely shouldn’t do – but I’m having so much fun, it’s almost intoxicating at times.
I love the person I am at the moment, and have one more year before the big 4-0, to squeeze in ‘all the things I should do before I’m 40’, and I fully intend to – watch this space.